OOUCH! (by Andy)

I`m pretty ashamed and down.

I`ve been dealing with something that has been taking control of my life and I didn`t want to tell no one. Lots of times I`ve been trying to talk with my Dad or Luc but always backed off.

The head of security here talk to my Dad and explain to him (because they monitor everything that came in or goes out of our computers) but my Dad decide not to let me know and wait to see if I stopped by my self but I didn`t. My Dad decide to talk to me about this today and I was wanting the ground to opened and eat me. I wasn`t able to look at my Dad in the eyes.  The way my Dad approached me, with so much tenderness and love hits me so deep. My Dad is awesome!

Is so good to have a Dad like mine. He hugged me and told me that this won`t change in any way the love he has for me and that he will  help me if I agreed. I start to cry so bad and told him that yes, that I want him to help me because I was trying to talk to him or Luc about this but didn`t know how, but that I want to stop because is hurting me. My Dad and I talked for long and I`m feeling better. I told him that I don`t know how but I will talk to Luc about it too and he told me that is a good idea.

I went to my favorite spot in the property to pray, put my head together and think. Then I went back to the house to see if Luc wakes up but I didn`t saw him in our bedroom. I asked and was told that he was downstairs. I went where I was told and found him with Maria, I just turn around because they were kissing but I heard Luc calling me. I went back, hugged and kiss Maria and when Luc pulled my arm to hug me I have a so bad knot in my throat that I explode crying. Luc "Baby what`s wrong? Are you ok?", me "Nodded", Luc "Do we need to talk?", I didn`t answered him because I didn`t want him to cut his time with Maria. I was shame with the both of them. Maria "Andy honey, It`s ok, we were saying goodbye. Look, my Mum is here all ready. May I have a hug?" omg! she is so sweet. I hugged and kissed her crying and telling her I was sorry. Maria "AAwww sweetheart, no need to be sorry, but this is what I`m going to do for the rest of the day. I`m going to be praying for you. I love you Andy" She is so tender. Me "You doesn`t know how much I love you. Thank you so much. I will say hi to your Mum and I`ll talk to Luc after. See you later." Maria "See you later honey" Luc "We will talk in a moment beautiful" Luc told me hugging me. I went to greet Maria`s Mum and went back to my spot to wait for Luc.

I was tearing down when Luc found me and he just hugged me which made all worst and better at the same time. Luc "Baby is ok. You`ll be fine, I talked with your Dad all ready and is nothing wrong in being a wanker", me "LUC! Is not that!" and all was so wrong. I felt so dirty that I want to let go of the hug, but he tight "Oh no. You go no where. I didn`t mean to made fun of you. I said that to make you laugh and relax. I`m sorry because I understand what you mean.  Julian deal with this before and he told me how addictive and bad is. How wrong make you feel inside. He was thinking about it 24/7, glue to a computer, wanking in the most odd places, public bathrooms, school, few times a day in his home and he told me that one of the things why he wants the most to come to the Academy was to get rid of this problem and he feel so free for not to have this binding in his life. And I`m here to love you all the way and help you with my life if you need it. We will deal with this together. There is nothing in this world that will get in between the love I got for you. Don`t you worry beautiful, I got you." At this point I was kinda in a crying attack. I was just hugging my bro and loving him.  I`m incredible grateful for having him in my life. Is so good to have a Luc in my life. Me "Please help me. I didn`t know how to tell you about this and is really hurting me.", him "Andy, I know about it for some time now but I didn`t know it was so bad and this is making me feel pretty bad, like I fail you" me "Oh no Luc, no", him "Let me finish please, I`m suppose to be here for you and not having the knowledge that you were in so deep crap, hurts me. I know you wank, I do too, but I didn`t know you were trap with this porn addiction, because is similar but different. And I say hurts me, because how I see it is like this; I`m your big bro and I`m suppose to protect you even against your self and I apologize that I didn`t because I love you too much" that he said this to me and focus things from this point of view hits me deep. "Oh Luc, see how bad this is? Is hurting people around me too. The last thing in the world I would want is for you to feel like this and I`m sorry too I didn`t came to you before, please forgive me Luc", him "Deep sigh...I forgive you, all the times you want me to." Me "Does my Dad told you?", him "Nope, I went to him and told him if there were anything I should know about something you were going through, he asked me why I was thinking this way and I explain to him what happened when you were with Maria and me and that you let me know you were wanting to talk to me, then he explain to me and I told him few things I got in mind to help you, which he agreed and one of the first ones is for you to talk to Julian if is ok with you, because I trust him and think he should be part of this", me "I`ll go with whatever you think is good for me Luc. One of the things I`m sure of in this life is how much you love me and you doesn`t know how grateful I am to have you in my life.  I love you so very much Luc. Thank you" He didn`t answer me, he just tear down and erase my face with kisses.

Luc is so selfless for someone who born with the socioeconomic status he has, and even being a kid I never have heard him pulling or bragging about this with no body. And I said this because is the truth.  The same was with Rob.

I talked to Julian and Luc was present and was so awesome. Porn addiction is so bad. Is something that takes all your energy and make you feel dirty. Is in your mind 24/7. Is all wrong. I`m so happy my big bros are here for me. I`m overwhelmed for this. Luc told me about few things I should follow and now on I just will use Luc`s computer with a password. I won`t use any other one and as soon as I type the pw the security guys will know is me and they will tell my Dad, Luc and Julian if I go to those websites. I`m ok with this. I don`t want this to keep growing and grabbing me by the balls no more. I want to get rid of this. I know my Dad will be watching on me, my bros as well. I got an appointment with our therapist all ready. He`ll be here next Monday and I`m happy.

I don`t understand kids that have no regard about this. They don`t feel bad about it, all the contrary, they brag about it. They doesn`t care other persons knows about their sexual experiences, they feel proud.  They doesn`t see this even as something immoral.  Don`t matter for them to send naked pictures and so. Well, I do have concerns about this and I want and will stop. There is life out there. I want my mind free of this crap.

Be careful with this kids. Is dangerously addictive and will made your lives miserable.

With love,

Andy


Luc says: 11:05PM Sorry for this but Hernandez brought me this from all of them and asked me to add it to your post and I think is so worth it.

Andy we`re so proud of you. You are a so beautiful kid. You know, require few qualities to be a soldier. Some of them are be truthful, loyal, brave, courageous, valiant, to have honor, to assume responsibilities for your actions and so.
Andy you got all all of them besides military training but in our eyes you`re a soldier and we salute you.
You are an example for every kid out there.
You`re so right, porno addiction is so wrong, but you accepted and were seeking for help and found it. More than that you made a post out of all of this and with the purpose to help other kids.
Andy that was a mistake and you all ready fix it and help starts. You have faith in God, awesome parents, big and little bros and family. Besides you got every one of us at any time.  We all want you to know that our homes are your home. You always are welcome. We are your friends and we`re honor.
You will make it. We have so much faith in you, we`re sure you will. Don`t let this to let down the so awesome kid you are.
We all love you.
Andy: clapclap-clap  clapclap-clap  ANDY!!
We all love you.

From: Hernandez, Martinez, Oregon, Jorge, Ventura, Anton, Orejuelas, Manzanello, Lugo, and Marek.


P.S. O  M  G!! I will never stop crying this way, I swear. Oh guys thank you to every one of you. I love you too and you got a friend here. Omg guys, thank you, you guys got me speechless. I don`t even know what to say, this means so much to me. Thank you so very much guys.

Luc says: Thanks soldiers. I love you.