At the bone fire saturday night Andy, Justin, Art and Joe, just surprise us when they start to talk about what happened to them and how their feelings are, was so good cuz they told us that they don`t feel pressure any more to talk openly about anything with us, was a beautiful moment.
We get back to the house and at bed time every body just took the same place in bed, was a pretty nice 6 kids pile.
Sunday morning the light of videos recorded wake us up, cas parents and my parents were just laughing and taking a video of the scene, it was pretty confusing i can tell, we were one over another and a big legs knot, every body were kinda confuse and seat on bed but when we realize what it was just lay back at once, but our parents start to move the covers and call for church. Every body went to the bathroom at once to take showers except for me `cuz my cast, then `cas just show up at the bathroom door naked and ask me "what r u doing? i`m waiting for you? we`re running late", is kinda slow for me in the mornings to start to move my bones, i wake up kinda rusty, he understood and came to help me, and as soon i get in the bathroom the kids start just to help me out, i felt at the beginning kinda ashamed `cuz cas is the one i feel comfy with, i start "common guys, i`m not cripple", and they kinda stop at once and i saw andy teary eyes and breaking voice saying "sorry ro, we didn`t meant nothing just want to help you", omg, i realize right there what i did and just start to cry, standing by my self in the middle of the tube, i told andy "so sorry, i didn`t meant nothing either, is just that i`m so frustrated with my health that i was feeling ashamed, please andy, please guys don`t take it like that, i didn`t meant nothing" and i start to move out of the tube cuz i want to hug andy naked and all, cas know, he help me to get out and i just hug andy, he was tense, he didn`t want to move his body or arms, i`m taller than him and i just grab his chin and look straight in his eyes and told him "i swear i didn`t meant nothing, i`m so sorry i made you feel like this, i`ll be more careful cuz i never will hurt you or any of you on purpose, if i
were suspicious `bout anything i don`t sleep in the same bed with you or come naked to the bathroom with you all, please, i`m sorry, i want all of you to take care of me this morning, please do, this way cas take a rest", and is when he move his arms around me still looking straight into my eyes, but i felt a reserve `cuz we were naked and i tight the hug `till i can feel his whole body against mine, and told him "andy, i love you, i`m not afraid of you", i love this kid, a lot, i kiss his nose and he close his eyes and start to weep hard, i can feel all his muscles contractions but i didn`t easy the hug and he told me "you don`t know how much good your doing to me right now even if you think you do, i never have had hug any body naked in my life, i can feel your whole body and the only thing i feel is so much love for you ro, ro you doesn`t know how is to feel rejected for every fucking body, every fucking day, is a so big emptiness and loneliness inside, your life become a dark fucking alley and you just exist but don`t live, thank you, thank you ro, i`m going to remember this moment for the rest of my life, for you may be doesn`t mean the big deal but for me ro means everythnig", (omg andy, andy little friend, i love you so much), i just reach the other kids and it was a tight naked hug, their were thanking me but andy, justin, art and joe, i`m the one to thank you all, i`m yours always.
Church was good, we have to shake a lot of hands, give a lot of hugs, get a lot of hugs and kisses and talk a lot, i get so tired that i ask dad to please, take me straight home, i say sorry to the kids and every body `cuz they got reservation in a restaurant and all that, but i was done. They get kinda worry but i told them i was just tired, my dad took me aside and ask me what exactly i was feeling and i told him that was just so tired, he check my blood sugar, blood pressure and all that quick things and was tranquil. We went home and order lunch, was good, even i want to get better is hard for me to deal w/my appetite. I got cas on my all the time w/the eat issue and w/everything, love u cas.
Was a good weekend and the kids were teary eyes at the time to say bye, i told them, "common guys, you can come any time to visit us, you know you don`t even need to call, we`re just starting, now on is when will get really good, you can call me any time, so, don`t made me weep again", we hug and the parents and they start to leave, andy was the last car to leave and the car stop and andy came to me and hug me tight and for long, it was kinda 5 mins hug, then he run back to the car and start waiving bye.
I learn a world this weekend.
Today we got a meeting with the therapist and our pastor and the 4 kids, i know will help them a lot.
Kids learn and be safe out there.
Don`t allow no body to abuse you.
A hug for every kid out there, love you all.
hugs,
rob
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