My mum is my heart, my everything, the one that just w/a look calm me down, the one to clean all my rears, the one so strong that i didn`t know a human can take so much and keep living, the one to keep this family tight, the one that dad gets lost when she gets sick, the one i thought i`ll die if don`t have her no more, the most tender, beautiful, loving care woman for me exist. I just remember the desperation and hurt in his voice when i came out of coma after the attack.
One of the things i remember thinking when i was in the middle of the violence i was getting from that person the day he hurts me was my mum, i remember thinking that i have to be sure to take in my body as much evidence was possible in order to catch that guy cuz i know that as a lawyer she will be looking for every single piece of it. I love forensics for my mum, and i remember that when that guy got me naked on the table and his face get close to me, i scratch his face so hard with the purpose to get his DNA in my finger nails, cuz i was sure he will kill me, there were no other way for him to try to get away w/this, and is when he start to punch me in my ribs and broke 7 of them. Then i came back again and i remember him talking to him self and saying "are you still alive mother fucker?" and i remember me scratching his arms when he start to strangle me and chocking my head against the table and the desperation gasping for air, that this what my nightmares are all about, gasping for air.
My mum told me that when i was in coma after this, she talk to me all the time and that i was trying to say something to her, but i was connected to a respiratory machine and she can`t understand, as a soon as i was disconnected she ask me and i was just repeating "my finger nails mum, my finger nails", and she remember a conversation we got about this and i told her (just mum and son talk) "mum, if something happen to me one day, always look in my finger nails", she just laugh and told me "i will, that way i will catch the bad guy", what a truth, this is the evidence that convict him for sure.
Well, the issue i don`t talk a lot about her is `cuz my mum is dealing with a pretty bad sickness that got me scare to my limits, is call "lymphocytic leukemia" and is pretty bad, i just can imagine what my dad is going through. Thanks God is not chronic but is enough, she`s been dealing w/this leukemia for three years now and i can see is eating her, she`s the reason i can`t give up, she never complain, she always smile, she always pray and thank God for every single thing, she`s the best example i got of a christian person.
I have to vent this `cuz is killing me for real, i think i know one of the causes i just start to cry for no reason. My therapist is waiting for me to talk about this, but is SO big for me that i think i`ll go in a crisis or something, but i`m thinking to talk to him about this today, `cuz for me this is bigger than what is happening to me right now.
I want to go crazy when i see the effects the chemotherapy cause on her.
She`s in the hospital right now for a week of chemotherapy, tests and things, please, pray for my mum.
Please, pray for all my family.
Kids, pray for my mum and be safe out there.
I`m pretty depress today, but i guess is normal.
Hugs,
rob
P.S. I have to add this `cuz i`ve been saving this post as a draft for few weeks deciding what to do.
When i heard the guy saying what he says before to start strangle me, i remember thinking, "this is it", and start praying to God asking for forgiveness of my sins and to take my soul with him. Then i remember i was so cold, and the light of emergency vehicles and paramedics all around me, and my dad, my dad, oh God my dad, just hugging me and holding my hand when we get to the hospital and remember him telling me "i`m here son, i`m here", yes dad, i know dad, i know, you always been there for me, oh dad i wish you really know how much i love you. And next i remember is my mum`s face, my mum just crying when i open my eyes after 9 days in coma, she gets so bad that my dad have to hold her away from me for few mins and then my dad`s arms hugging me and me just telling him that i love him. I know i was safe, and i told dad the name of the guy and my dad told me, don`t worry son, he will never hurt you again, he`s in jail now, and i start to cry for the first time since the attack.
My mum told me how worry she were `cuz my dad went missing for 4 days, he was looking for the guy, `till he learn `bout his arrest, `cuz the coward give him self up, i know that if my dad find him, he`ll kill the guy.
Thankful he didn`t cuz he wouldn`t be in jail too.
I know how bad was for my mum this situation in the middle of what she`s was going through and i`m just pretty afraid to lust my mum.
rob
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