That person took my innocence, but not my heart, not my principles or who i am. I`m a kid w/another mind, more strong and mature. In a blink of the eye, my preferences change, i don`t feel like to play a lot of games i use to play, i start to take interest in other things, in knowledge.
I`m catching up w/home school, is so hard `cuz my concentration is so weak, but my teachers been so patient w/me. My parents are kinda checking on me too much, to the point that is pissing me off, but i guess they just love my and is what they think is the best for me.
Is still an up and down thing, and i`ve haven`t been patient w/my self and get mad at my self `cus i`ve haven`t be able to accomplish to my standards, i talk to my self and that help me out. I want to get stronger so bad and the progress is so slow. I`m weighting 65 pounds and i see no progress. I guess any school can hire me for anatomy classes.
Yesterday my heart was dealing w/God and pretty hard feelings i was having against my parents. Is not that i blame on them for what happen to me, i just have that still inside me and want to get rid of them, that was a battle inside `cuz deep in me i know i can`t blame on them but then why i was having them still inside? I talk to my therapist yesterday and i`m pretty relief they`re gone, it was a weight in my heart that was holding me and i didn`t need it.
Last night our dads spend quality time w/us and told us a story we didn`t know. They are friends since they`re 8 yrs old, is long and i don`t feel like typing the whole thing, but the point is that they been separate by distance but always in contact and after they get married they made the purpose to reunite once a year and they did. They want us to know `bout and things they did when they`re kids, it was good to know, they want us to know how proud the are of us for the way we treat each other `cuz a friend is something ur not able to find so many times in life.
Few ppl been asking me if luc really have the smile the look_a_like kid has, and i want to say that is even better, when `cas smile is like the sun, is something beautiful, warmth, u just can`t resist the pureness of `cas smile, change ur mode for good, bring u happines, `cas smile and laugh w/his heart.........`cas keep me going, keep me alive, fuel my heart, is always happy, that kid even when speak, u feel it, is a soft, loving care, smooth tone of voice that is a blessing in my heart, i`m worry `bout him and if he can be affected w/my situation but his parents and the therapist told me not to worry, that he is and will be ok. He`s parents told me that he just love me, i`m not able to talk or think `bout `cas w/out weep, `cas is just in my heart, `cas is just unbelievable.
God is there and send me `cas to help me made it through this, i say this `cuz is not other explanation for me, he just take my hand e v e r y s i n g l e d a y and help me through it, is so amazing, that i stop taking a medication i was taken for anxiety and the panic attacks i was having, `cuz when i start feeling sings i simply hug `cas, or ask him to hug me, or seat on his lap, or recline on him, or grab his hand or his arm, and i just calm down. `cas is the most beautiful thing in my life, is deep between us, so deep that i some times just start at him and think `bout certain things that happens and my mind goes away, some times he just kiss me, or pat my head, or grab my chin and ask me "hey, r u here? r u ok?" and is when i come back to earth, my face get kinda red some times, but he`s so kind, he just hug me and tell me "don`t be shame ro, is me, i love u too, remember?", uuuuuff, i need water.
I want so bad to do things i like to do, is hard for me to be in bed most of the time and have to be help for everything i have to do, is the most depressing thing i`m going through rit now, but i`m trying. I want my mind to go back to its normal state and i can function properly again, most of the time is just confusion and stress, but i hold `cas and feel better, and even is so good for me to have him, some times piss me off to have to depend on him so much. He`s just so awesome `cuz he read me and some times just give me room to be by my self, but not for long, if i`m not able to see `cas for 30 mins i`ve been calling him all ready.
Every day he spends time w/his parents, but he`s just considerate, he just ware his blutooth and calls me to check on me but we made a deal, i told him that if something happens and i really need him, i`ll call him, i want him to enjoy the time w/his parents, i use to suggest him to spend time w/others friends he has but he gets really piss off at me once and i don`t want to piss him off, what he does is to invite his friends to the house and we share, he told me last week "ro, there will be time later to do a lot of things and for me to share w/others friends and things like that, but now i want to be w/u, i don`t wanna be talking `bout this so often, i want u to just keep fighting, leave the future along, let`s go through the day, day by day, rit now i need no other friend, i want no other friend, ur the only friend i want, got it?". He made my life easier, a loooot easier.
`cas is awaking rit now, he usually is up early, i suspect that i have a pretty bad night, not that i remember, but i can say for the wet my pillow is and the fact that `cas is awaking up late. See what i`m talking `bout? Is a lot easier when you get a good morning w/one of the most beautiful faces in this world, and a tight hug and a kiss, is really is a good way to start a day and some times is like i don`t want no body to show me no affection, weird isn`t it?
Well, got to go, `cas is going to help me to get ready for the day.
Kids, a hug to every one, don`t stop praying, please.
rob
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