He just answer 2 emails and that`s it.
When i wake up this morning he wasn`t in bed which was a surprise for me `cus i`m alert as soon as i feel any unusual movement he made. He was out side at the balcony seating in the power chair and i notice that as soon as he heard me he start to wipe out tears from his eyes and was voiding my eyes.
I say good morning and went to hug him but he void me and i just grab his face w/my hands looking for his eyes and he broke crying. omg, what`s going on w/my friend? I feel all his pain every time he cries, as well as his happiness every time he laughs. He`s eyes were all swelling, irritates and red, i just kiss his eyes by impulse, dunno what else to do, i guess my heart wants for him to cry no more and told him "be rit back, i`m going for the eye drops", but he didn`t let me, he just grab me by my boxers and won`t let me go, i ask him "what is it ro, please?!!", he look up to me and i just lift him from the chair and hug him, couldn`t take it no more. You gotta meet ro and see his so big and expressive beautiful green eyes to understand, u can see his heart through them, ro drill u w/his eyes straight to the heart, those are the most pure, sincere eyes i ever see in my life. This kid is so pure, i love his heart w/mine. I were there hugging him for `bout 45 mins, i was trying to go for a sweater `cus he was shivering bad but he won`t let me go and i just carry him on my arms inside and lay down w/him on bed for `bout and hour `till i told him that i need to wash my self and i would like to do the same to him, he turn his face and rested on his chin on my chest and start to caress my face for a long time, he`s very affectionate w/every body, but specially w/me, then he kiss me and i help him to get ready for the day. This process start at `bout 7:00AM and we finish at11:30AM, we took breakfast and i seat to do my home school `till 6:00PM `cus i didn`t want to leave nothing for the weekend, this way i got the weekend free to share w/ro w/out interruptions, i want to be focus on him `cus he`s struggling w/something deep, i want to be holding him, he ain`t heavy.....his my bro.
After i finish he seat on my lap and went to another blog he has that is private, is his diary, he type down everything there (i got one too where i type everything), and start to type for `bout an hour, i was reading and encouraging to keep going `till he feels like it, what ro type down today, tear up my soul apart, but at the same time i`m happy he gets rid of that, is all i can say.
His last sentence was "`cas, i know u know i love u, but `cuz there are no human ways for me to express how much, i guess u`ll know in heaven when we become spiritual beings".
That`s deep.
And yet he haven`t spoke a word. I don`t know `bout what time he leave bed, but i told the nurse to please, change the sheets `cus they were wet w/rob`s tears and i have to change my shirt for the same reason, actually i have to change my shirts couple of times every day for this. I just want to be reading wherever his mode is in order to be there for him, rit now his mode is just to be recline on me, playing w/my fingers or wrapping my hand w/his, or hugging my arm and just out in the balcony, i told the aid to please, take the tv out that way we can watch some movie or toons (he love toons), `cus he doesn`t want to play video games and nothing, nothing at all. Something i know he likes is when i take him to the beach, i took him this afternoon and i place the power chair as close as possible to the water, took his sandals out, grab him by the side and walk w/him `till our legs get wet for the waives, for the first time in days he look at me and smile at me w/his eyes, he start a motion to seat on the sand and get wet but i just hold him and told him "no ro, the water is too cold for u and i didn`t bring towels and another dry short for u, but what u think if we do that tomorrow?, we can be here all day if w/want to", he look at me and i told him "yes, i promise", he hug me looking to the sea and enjoying the waives. And for days too, i get my eyes wet of joy.
We talk w the therapist today and he told me what to do and answer and explain all my questions and worries. He told me that the best therapy for him rit now is the love i`ve been showing him, that i`m doing so good he wants me to help w/other kids in a program our church have when ro gets well, that my pastor will talk to me `bout later. He notice i move kinda uncomfortable in my chair and told me "Lucas, look at me, listen to me very careful `cus u r very young and i want u to understand something; u got a gift, and even as young as u r, u should start thinking the purpose God have w/u, what r u going to do w/this gift God`s give u?". I look at him and he just hug my and told me "God bless".
This one is deep too.
I ask for my pastor as soon as he leaves and my dad call him, he`ll be here tomorrow to talk to me. I know he`ll easy me. I`m grateful God made me the way i am, but don`t feel comfy when ppl start praising me and things like that, is not that i get mad, is just don`t like it. Don`t see the special or the "gift" i got. Sorry, i`m just me.
Hope ro will speak some tomorrow, hope the time at the beach will help him. I think he wants to spend the night out here at the balcony, but as i say, he ain`t heavy at all......he`s my bro.
I don`t want to any kid goes through this.
Be careful out there.
Hug to every kid out there.
luc
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