Thursday, June 9, 2011

pneumonia (9/22/2010)

Sorry `bout my English, i need to improve.
I learn i got a bad kind of pneumonia,
the blood is coming from my bronchial tube `cuz my coughing excess,
thnxs god,
my chest hurts so bad every time i exhale when breathing, `cuz the coughing,
but they fund a good medicine for the coughing,
now will be the moment of truth for me, `cuz i have to take antibiotics to fight the pneumonia,
there`s no other choice, so, more iv`s, they open a little hole in my belly and i got a tube to my stomach to feed `cuz i have to gain weight, and my body get stronger to avoid heart failure,
i`m just weighting 59 pounds.
i`m at the hospital,
i`m so down today,
i don`t even know what happened,
i just wakeup in a hospital bed,
dunno t, but, just dunno,
dunno if i gonna make it,
so, i start posting in the blog, `cuz the way i`m feeling,
dunno how much time i got left and i want other kids to know
and that maybe can save at least one to be abuse,
if at least help one, is worth it,
i `m receiving blood, dunno why, and i`m so freak out `bout blood transfution,
i`m just so weak, dizzy and fucking scare,
sorry t, but u r of the very few ppl in my life that i open my heart to,
i don`t like to tell u bad news, i would like to tell u good news,
have cross my mind couple of times, like stop talking to u,
is just, that i get tired, even miself get tired of bad news `bout mi self,
dunno if all that makes sense, i don`t even now how to express my self
in a way to others to understand what i mean,
is so confuse, i`m so confuse, some times i`m not able even to think clear,
i`m living some days like a zombie,
the most thing i need rit know is u to tell me that u r sending me a
virtual huge,
i feel so tired, even inside is like, i`m all ready dead,
like i have no feelings or happiness or laugh or tears left,
like i don`t care if i`m alive or if my parents talk to me or if luc
is coming or if the day i bright or if i`m going to chat w/u,
i`m all screw, i`m getting crazy in my heal
i`m not a quitter,
i`m never been a quitter,
but i don`t see the way out on this one.

Posted by robert

No comments: