NEW RULES.

Please, understand, i`m not able to answer every single email, i promise i will but just give me time, i`m still in pain, is been a battle for my stomach to start to work again, i`ve been vomiting everything and my belly sounds like a play station, but i`ll keep trying.
Is very painful to vomiting `cuz all my abdominal muscles have to work and is so bad i get dizzy.
Thanks God for luc, i have no words for him `cuz there are none, i just love him w/my life, he`s the only male besides my dad, i don`t freak out and start to shake and to have a panic attack when i feel he`s body in contact w/mine behind me, seat on his lap as well. My heart just start to pump harder every time some body besides them touch me, i`m so run down `cuz this issue. To do #2 have to be w/my dad or luc, i`m not able to doit by my self or w/some body else. In a public bathroom? don`t even think `bout it, i don`t understand how this can be an emotional cause thing, i have to use pampers some times, specially when i was in icu, `cuz they got me in some kind of diet to void me to defecate, and all was just liquid and messy; this is so embarrassing for me; now they are starting to make my digestic system to work and this is causing me a lot of tension `cuz means that i`ll be going through all the process and anxiaeti i have to go through before in order to do #2.
I don`t see the day when i will feel no pain for every single thing i got to do, when i`ll stop to wake up crying, shaking and all sweat, i don`t want to become an addict to sleeping pills is terrifying for me even to think about it, i love luc and `cuz i love him i can`t pretend for him to be w/me 24/7, doesn`t gonna happen, no way, i want him to go out w/his other friends and to do sports and other things, i don`t want him burn out `cuz my situation and is not that i`m trying to send him away from me, no way either, i need to see him or to talk to him every single day, luc is part of my life, a big one.
Dunno......i just want to get better. I didn`t ask to be sick like this, i didn`t want to be rape.
I realize something tho, w/God on my side (love u God), the love and attention i get from my parents ( love u mum and dad) and a friend like luc (love u `cas), i`m privilege.
Well, my parents told me that i`m allow to use my comp just 30 mins. in the morning and 30 mins. at at nit, and for luc the same. They will be allowing me to use it longer as i get better. So, those are the new rules.

`cas.....that poem is just something i save as....a treasure, in the folder....my heart. `Cas....do you realize that besides the mighty God and my parents, you are the next person in this world i owe my life to? yes...you. I know that at some point in our lives we will separated by distance, guess we`re going to get married and have our families (i wish to married you but is not possible -). oouch, i`m seating in his lap typing and he just punch me in my arm lol, but not that hard tho), but the love we got for each other i know never will change and this is a comforting thing for me.
`cas...i love you so much...i don`t see my self going this far w/out you. I wish every kid out there find a friend like u.

Please don`t stop praying. I got a long way to go. I miss my friend Paul so much, is a wound still open and hurting in my heart, at the same time i`m so grateful God provide me w/luc. I think that i complain too much some times, but i just want to express what`s in my heart, my struggles inside me, mostly the ones that have to do w/the rape incident, for you kids to know how complicated it gets.

A big hug for every one.
Kids learn and be safe, give love, doesn`t cost you a penny.
Learn to speak out your feelings, tell your parents "i love u dad, i love u mum", tell your brothers and sisters, tell a friend.
Don`t wait `till a person is dead and feel all the guilt inside, to think "why i never told him or her, i love you?", do it NOW!!!!
Love is a powerful, unifying, healing force. Don`t be shy, afraid or ashamed to express it, you`ll see how beautiful, awesome and strong feels inside. Promise.

From my heart to yours kids...I LOVE YOU.
Hugs and kisses.
robert