Cas talk to me bout this and i saw his point and trust him. We told my dad that is ok to take her to our mother land Spain. She was buried in our beach house property and is kinda i didn`t want to let her go, but it was too much for me to have her so far and so close at the same time, i have to go on, don`t feel like it but have to.
Cas doesn`t allow me to think, he knows if i`m going too deep and just hug me telling me that i1ll be fine and i believe him. He is the brother i never have. I just follow him through all this. He been trying so hard, never give up and i been learning to laugh again, to go around, to smile and keep climbing my mountain.
Cas improve the way i do #2, he seats on the toilet and i seat on his lap, then he just hug me and start to talk bout anything to help me out to kinda forget what i`m doing and is working, i just let it go and is starting to became an smooth normal process for me again, without pain, sweating and all that. Some of you will call this weird, i call it love.
Last night i have couple of nightmares and now have been kinda estrange ones cus my mum is in there with me too, and they were bad, but the end is been different cus i end fine in my mum`s arms. Is weird, last night is the first time the nightmare change and i din`t feel the desperation for air i felt when the guy was strangle me. Cas have kinda develop an extra sense to know when i`m starting with a nightmare and wake me up. I ask him bout this and he told me that he doesn`t know how it works, that he just like feel it, some times i start to make unusual movements or sounds. Hmm, is not fun at all.
My med for depression have to be change again cuz this one have a chemical component that is no good for my liver. Pretty cool, uh. I feel weird, my mood change so quick that i don`t know how is going to be trough the day and this cause me lots of anxiety, i`m praying to be able to go over this and kinda be stable again.
Feels so good starting to walk without crutches or a walker again. Cas, andy and me went to the beach this morning just to walk and get our foots wet, but the water is cold.
I start taking walks with cas and andy in order to get my muscles fits again. Is pretty good cuz i get tired and that helps a lot my mind to stop and have my anger under control. Next week i`ll have my cast remove from my left hand and the stitches in my right hand are almost gone.
I`m focus this Christmas in remembering what is the real purpose of the world to celebrate, that my savior Jesus came and born among man kind. Focus in all the privileges i have and not in the ones i don`t. Grateful to God cuz i`m still alive and asking Him that never stop covering me with His Grace and Mercy.
I find few websites that i want to share with you all, they are in the side.
My God bless every one of you and fill your hearts with His love and peace.
A hug to every kid out there, specially the ones that have been abuse.
I love you all.
rob
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