DEAR `CAS.

Dear `cas:
I know i screw up big time and i`m sorry, i was just trying to do something by my self, something so simple as to take a shower and give u a surprise at the same time.
You know better than anybody how`s my mind`s going after the new drugs i`m taken, i`m leaving in a world of numbness and everything kinda goes in slow motion, but don`t think i`m missing ur loving care and the fact that u r here for me every day. I don`t want u to misunderstand my action, is not that i don`t trust u or have no appreciation for what ur doing for me. Is the second time i saw u so up set w/me, and this one was worst than the last one.
I promise won`t happen again, i got ur point and i will depend on you the way you want me to, i got no reason not to and i made this decision out of love for u.
I was a so scare, unable to do nothing by my self kid, after what happened to me and then God send u to my life and everything change for me, don`t take it bad when i don`t feel like to talk `cuz is that i don`t need to doit if ur w/me, just the fact to see u around me is the best medicine for me, when i don`t see u i`m lost, when don`t hear ur voice i get anxious, when i don`t see your eyes looking for mine i get insecure, when i don`t feel ur arms around me i`m scare and i get what ur been trying to made me understand, that ur w/me unconditionally `cuz u love me and i got to stop worrying `bout u cuz ur ok. I got it `cas, i swear.
Your right, this one could cost me my own life and is been a wakeup call for me, but please, understand at the same time that i`m kinda not thinking straight; yes i know we talk `bout this w/our therapist and he explain to me and all that, but is just that is scary, i`m scare.
Now i made everything harder for every body and i`m sorry, i didn`t know that trying to do a normal simple thing would have this out come, but i`ll do better, promise `cas.
Your my brother `cas and i`m so proud to have u as my brother, and don`t have one and never thought God will give me a dream big bro, that`s u `cas and i love u.
ro


P.S. i have to blog this one `cuz i fall in the tube this morning taken a shower by my self and broke my left arm. Yeah was messy but i`m back home and ok.