LOVE AND PAIN (by Andy)

I am suppose to be in bed all ready. I am just not sleepy and kinda lost without Luc been here. He have to spend the night at the Academy. He is allowed to spend the nights at home but something is going tomorrow and he called me about 6 PM to let me know.

Before his grandpa passed away, he took him to Rob`s grave to helped him to easy his pain and sadness but he never did it with his dad; and uncle Robert, uncle Lucas and my dad were praying for this to happened because will help him lots.

Last Saturday after he said "see you later" to Jessy, I started to walk to the limo and stopped half way to waited for him. Before I stopped, I heard him screaming. When I turned around, I saw Luc on his knees on the drive way, bent and hitting the ground with both of his fits, I was terrified. Then he started to scream "dad" and hit the ground, "dad" and hit the ground. Uncle Robert stepped out the Limo, half way body and told uncle Lucas "Thanks God! There you go. I am here.", Uncle Lucas answered him "I love you" and smiled to him, uncle Robert smiled wide open, lowered his head and answered "You always got me. Love you too." Uncle Lucas keep walking towards Luc meanwhile uncle Robert hurried around the limo to catch Andres and Steve that were crying and trying to run towards Luc. Steve mum`s grabbed Steve and uncle Robert grabbed Andres all ready on his arms and told him "He is ok son. He is just sad and is letting it out. You will be able to hug him in few moments", Andres answered him "Ok dad" and just keep sobbing hugging him. I felt an arm around my shoulders and I just hugged my dad tight, sobbing. My dad told me "We were praying for this son. He will be fine, just give him few minutes because this is between God, his dad and him." I just hugged my dad tighter and leaned my head side ways on his chest.

By that point, uncle Lucas was on his knees in front of Luc, touching foreheads, passing his hand over his head and telling him "I am right here son. Let it out. You are my beloved son. I love you." Luc just bend against him, his forehead leaned against his upper chest and screaming and crying bad told him "I am hurt dad. I am so hurt. He just passed away so suddenly and then grandpa and I was so afraid that you maybe will be next because I thought at that time that I really was going to die if God takes you. I was so afraid." Uncle Lucas were just passing his hand over his head and listening to him and told him "I know son. I know." Luc keep talking "Then I thought that maybe will be uncle Robert, or Andres, or Steve, or Andy, or I don`t know who else that I love. And what is made me feel the worst is that at some point after Ro passed away, in all the pain and sadness I was going through, in the back of my head, I was blaming you and uncle Robert for what happened to him. And I am feeling so guilty and bad for this. Is the first time I hold something from you, and I have been feeling like if I have been betraying you and him all this time. I have been feeling so dirty inside and I want you to forgive me and uncle too dad. I am so sorry dad. Please forgive me." "I forgive you son but I don`t really think there is nothing to forgive you for. I know that at some point you were felt like this, your uncle too." I was crying bad at that point. I was feeling all the sadness and pain Luc was releasing. He wasn`t able to even talk clearly and he was talking in Spanish, which I understand better than English.
Luc keep talking to his dad "Until last week that God helped me to understand in His mercy, that whatever happen, He will be with me and I will be ok." Then uncle Lucas said "Yes! Thank you Lord" and standing up just lifted Luc and hugged him tight. Then Luc leaned back, his dad holding him by his wrist and with his fits in front of him just exhaled, full lungs, a very long scream and collapsed his head on his dad`s shoulders crying bad for few minutes, until starts to calmed down sobbing. Uncle Lucas got him in a tight hug and was passing his hand over his head and just talking to him "I love you son. I am the proudest dad. We are the proudest parents. God can not allow me to have a better son. You have fill my life with happiness since the day you were born." Luc leaned back again and grabbed his dad`s face with his hands and staring to cry again told him "Oh dad, I love you so much" and wrapped his arms around his dad`s neck. His mum get closer and Luc just said "I love you mum" and hugged her still in his dad`s arms. Uncle Robert approached then with Andres in arms and told Luc "You are my son too and I love you like one", Luc start to cry again and answered him "And you are my other dad too. I am so sorry uncle. I am so sorry. I didn`t want to tell you nothing because I was so hurt and I was just imagine how you were feeling after lose anti and Ro. I want to tell you so many things, I heard you crying, I prayed for you, I didn`t told you all I got inside because I didn`t want to loaded you more. But I am so sorry and I love you so much" and hugged uncle Robert so tight and in so much distress that uncle started tearing down. I was a wreck. I was just hugging my dad. Uncle Robert answered "I know Lucas. I know. And I want you to promise me, that you will never again going to feel like you didn`t did enough because is not the case. You have to know that I thank God every single day, for allow my son Robert to find in you, his best brother and friend. That I will never be able to payed you back, I only will love you for ever Lucas. Thank you son." Luc motioned to step down his dad`s arms and hugged uncle Robert and Andres "Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for Andres" and took Andres from his arms and started kissing him like crazy in a hug. He heard a trembling little voice behind him telling him "I love you Luc", then Luc started to cry again when he turned around and saw Jessy and his parents. "Oh Jessy. I am so sorry. I didn`t meant to scare you.", "I know Luc. I am fine." and he hugged Jessy and his parents and told the other kids that approached to hugged him "I am so sorry. I didn`t meant to scare you guys.", "We know Luc" and they hugged.

Then Luc turned around looking for Steve and me, asking where were Andy and Steve. My dad asked me "Are you ok son?", "Yes dad, I am", "Go ahead then" and my parents and me started walking towards him. He just ran to me crying again and we hugged, I broke down again. He just told me "I love you. I love you so much", " I love you too Luc". My parents came around and Luc hugged and kissed them, telling them "Thank you for loving me. I love you.", "Thank you for loving us and our son. We love you Lucas. We are so proud of you.", "Thank you uncle Williams".
He turned around and hugged his dad "I love you dad. You are the best dad. Two weeks dad, no more please.", "Two weeks son. I love you."

"Where is Steve Andy?", "He is in the limo Luc." I answered him. He asked me with his eyes and I told him "I think you know". We were pretty close the limo still open door and Luc just screamed "STEVE NO! You promised me, remember?" and started crying bad again. Steve just ran to him crying too and telling him "I am so sorry for what my dad did to Rob, Luc. I am so sorry, but he is my dad no more". OMG! That really hits me hard and every body else. Uncle Lucas and Robert, my parents, ran towards him and hugged him. Luc and I have him in a hug all ready telling him that no, that he never have to felt guilty for that, that we loved him, that he have to understand that we loved him and he have anything to do of what his dad did. Uncle Robert bended and went one knee down and told Steve "I love you. We loved you in this house and always will. We talked about this before, please, believe us when we said that we love you. Do you believe us?", he nodded yes with his head and for the first time since Steve have been living with us, he hugged uncle Robert and told him "Yes uncle, I believe you". His mum stepped out and we all went to hugged her. She just barely answered "Thank you. Thank you. You doesn`t know how much this meant to me, specially to Steve." I am so happy for him and for Luc.

All this happened in about 25 minutes or so. It was a very emotional moment but this is just part of what Luc have been going through and I do not know if there is still left, which I think that may be. This all is the result of a very sick and evil man, that raped Rob so violent and then try to covered his crime killing him, and throwing him like garbage at the side of a road. He destroyed his family, his older son (Steve older brother) committed suicide, Steve have to deal with this for the rest of his life, even he have nothing to do with this. His wife and family destroyed. Mentzy and Horneck families destroyed. Have affected my parents and my self, and this is when my AWESOME GOD came in and we give HIM all the glory and proclaim to the world that HE is for real, that HE exist, that HE is the only GOD, that we all are alive and ok because through out all this HE is the one that have been helping us every day.

I have to go to bed real quick.
Kids trust God and be careful out there.
Parents watch on your kids. Show them expressive love.
A hug to every kid out there, specially any kid that have been sexually abused or molested.
Love you all.

Andy