FOR HOW LONG?!! (by Lucas)

Is this grief  NEVER is going to end?
For how long is going to last?
Why I feel it too deep and even with God, parents, family and friends to dream of, I can`t get over with?
Why my heart miss you so much?
Why I still see you in every corner and even I try to ignore it, I still feel that some body stabbed me in the heart and leave the knife inside me?
I play I`m ok, but I`m not.
I`m so scare.
You want me to go on and I want to, but the more I try, the more frustrated I get.
I can`t take you out of my mind.
I want to see you so, so bad.
We have so many things to do.
You just leave without warning.
For how long I`m going to keep crying?
I know I`m suppose to be sad, and miss you, and cry, and that takes time, but for how long?
I pray every day. I try to do things. I`ve been trying to go on without wanted to. I been obliging my self to continue, but I`m getting so tired.
I want to, but doesn`t have the desire to.
I won`t kill my self but don`t want to keep living.
Why you have to go so, so untimely?
Love is suppose to be good and let go, but why I can`t?
Why I miss you so much?
When I think I`m getting out, is like, your absence hit me so hard and I step back, instead to step ahead, and then I get in rage moods that are affecting me and the ones around me, and when I calm down, is just a so deep feeling of shame left inside.

Ro write this in his diary for me. I founded last night.


My dear friend,
close your eyes...
hold my hand,
and hear me whisper...

For the times I was lost,
you were there to look for me.
Will you believe me when I say I love you more than you'll ever know.
Will you trust me when I say ...this time you have to let me go.

My dear friend, I must leave.
The world no longer needs me.
It's my time to be gone, until we meet again someday.
Don't you cry now, I know I'll be okay.
Trust that I'll never forget you.
Don't be sad now, just close your eyes until it's through.
Hold my hand, don't open your eyes yet...
wait when I no longer whisper..

My dear friend, you'll be fine.
I'll be up there watching over you.
For the times I'll be gone, don't ever forget
the words I whispered to you.

God calls on my name... and I have to let go of your hand now...
Please don't cry... and smile for me..
because I'm with the one who made us friends.

Remember, I'll always love you.
so come, wave me goodbye...
It'll be painful but we have to...
Hug me, hug me tight, feel the words I can no longer say.

My dear friend, I'm going to miss you.
just pray because I'll always listen.
and one day, when it's your time,
I'll be there for you...
Just like the way I used to.
...I love you...


I don`t even know why I start reading things he left for me. He told me not to read them until after he die and I thought I`m strong enough to, but when in the world any body will be strong to read the heart of a kid like Ro? This is really messing my head. I want and been trying so hard to go on, and when I think I`m getting out, just realize that I`m not. I don`t even know my self no more.

This is for you Ro:


I sit around and wonder,
and watch the days go by.
I look at all the pictures,
and ask, why did you have to die?

You've always been there for me,
because you were my best friend,
and I was always there for you
until the very end.

But now it's time to let you go,
your spirit now is free.
Even though you won't really be gone,
because you'll live inside of me.

So when we have to leave you
at your resting place,
I will always remember
your smiling, beautiful face.

This is hardly a goodbye,
so I won't weep anymore,
because now you're in better place
then you ever were before.

Even though that I will miss you,
and I'll think about you everyday
you'll always be my best friend,
and that's all I have to say.


And this one too:



In my bed, I lie awake,
And still thinking.
What could have been,
If you were still here,
With me tonight?

I know it could have been better,
Seeing you right in front of me,
Knowing you‘re still alive.

But this is life.
No one stays forever,
May it be fate,
Or just a change of heart.

I don’t want to let go, and you felt it,
When you left me, it was hard.
The moment you stopped breathing,
I was down on my knees.

I kept praying, begging God,
To make you live again.
But how could I stop you?
When you are in a better place now.

I will never stop believing,
That you still think of me tonight.
You’re the type of friend,
Who keeps promises in his heart.

In heaven, I trust,
You’re still the friend I know.
I know you remember my name,
When I call out on yours.
I know you still smile and laugh,
When I crack jokes the wrong way.
And sometimes I smile too when I think of your name.

Someday, when it's my time,
It will be just like before.
That’s the time when we no longer,
Have to face goodbyes anymore.
Friends in the distance,
and through time, we'll still be.
I love you Ro.


My heart haven`t stop crying since Ro went to a better place. I`m wondering if will stop some day. There are days that I don`t know if I`m going to make it to the end, and there are others that I think I`m over with, but I realize that I`m not.
This is really driving me crazy.

Kids?
When you find a friend, enjoy him and thanks God for him. Love him.
I pray God every kid to have the opportunity to have a friend.
Please kids, don`t allow no body to hurt you. Tell some body.
Parents be on your kids. Read in this blog how horrible is for a kid to go through what Ro have to go.
Adults, protect us.

A hug for every kid out there.
Love you all.

luc