Pain.

Just that, pain.
Is so awful, is my constant partner, kinda of my best friend, is always w/me, never leave me, wish has family to visit or something, `cuz is annoying, go to bed w/me and wake w/me, my companion, i don`t like him but he has no shame, no education, i don`t know who his parents are, but, they rise him wrong.
Is in my whole body right now, especially my belly and penis.
My liver is swelling and he`s there making noise and looks like to be having a party, i should call the cops on him.
He wakes me up this morning `bout 8, and been bothering me since, just loud.
I was hoping he will go to church today, but he`s not a christian kind of guy, i would say.
I got a very strong friend that takes care of him when he gets so loud and i can`t deal w/him no more, he`s name is morphine, i ask my nurse to please, call him, and he told me no problem, but he has to ask my dad first, but my that knows the guy, he knows that when i ask to call my friend morphine, is `cuz i`m on edge. My friend morphine helps me a lot, `cuz that way i stop moaning and crying, and avoid me to bleed from my throat.
I ask Luc today to please go to church to get strength, to take care w/his relationship w/God, to see our friends, to pray for me and to go away from me and my misery for a while, everything went good until i mention "to go away from me and my misery", omg, that kid was at my bedroom desk, catching up w/some home work and he hit the desk w/his fist so hard(that my parents and the nurse rush in my bedroom) that scares me, and just stand up all red in the face and so mad that i can see the veins in he`s neck pulsing, and shout to me so loud "don`t u ever say that again, i`m here `cuz i love u, i`m here `cuz i want to, no body is forcing me to be here w/u, don`t u ever think this is getting too much for me and i can`t find the way out, like if u stink or something, `cuz is not, don`t u ever try to send me away from u again, at the moment u don`t want me at ur site any more u just let me know and i`ll leave" and he was just standing there, and he`s body language was telling me that he was SO PISS OFF, o m g, i never saw luc so mad in my life, i was speechless, my parents and the nurse were there just watching the situation, no body was talking, and then i felt so crush inside that i start to leave the bed to stand up, my parents kind rush to help me and luc too, but i just stop every body and told luc, u, go to where u where standing and i leave the bed and walk all the way `til i was standing in front of him and told him that i never in my life thought that those words would made him so up set, that, please, to forgive me `cuz i never would say or do anything w/intention to hurt him or made him up set, that how, if i love him w/my whole heart, i was starting to say something else but i saw tears coming from his eyes all ready and he just told me in a soft way "shut up" and he just hug me softly, and told me "i`m so sorry, just please ro, never tell me something again meaning me going away from u, `cus i love u too much", we just face each other touching ours foreheads and noses, we love to do that, and my parents just went around us and hug us, then luc`s told me that will be better if i lay down again, and went to my back holding me by my armpits and help me out back to bed.
Luc`s went to church, he`ll be back `bout 3:00PM.
I didn`t meant nothing bad, i`m just feel so stupid, sometimes i say things that make no sense, i was just talking my heart, but i learn that i have to be careful in the way i say things to avoid hurt persons i love, especially my bro luc, i`ll ever will do ANYTHING to hurt luc, i swear that i better kill my self first.
Well i`m happy `cuz my friend morphine arrive, i g2g to talk to him for a while, but i1ll try to be back later today.
I HAVE NO WORDS TO THANKS ALL THE KIDS AND ADULTS FOR THE MORE THAN 300 EMAILS. OH MY GOD, PEOPLE, YOU JUST MADE ME CRY FOR THE KINDNESS AND LOVE YOU BEEN SHOWING FOR US, AND I SAY US, `CUZ BEEN FOR LUC AND ME, YOU PEOPLE ARE AWESOME, YOU HELP ME TO KEEP GOING, I`M JUST CRYING RIT NOW (AS USUAL), OUT OF GRATEFULNESS TO GOD AND EVERY ONE OF YOU,THAT BEING TAKING FROM YOUR TIME TO EMAIL ME, THAT`S HUMBLES ME. THANKS FROM MY 13 YRS. OLD HEART. I`VE BE TRYING TO ANSWER EVERY ONE, BUT PLEASE, DON`T FEEL BAD IS TAKES ME A LITTLE TIME TO ANSWER YOU, I`M TRYING, PROMISE.
I g2g now, i`m too tired.
Kids out there, i love every one of u w/my heart.
Be safe, ask for help if u been abuse, tell ur teacher or counsel at school, but tell some body, please?!!!!!
Tell me, let me know, i will help u, promise w/my heart, yes i will even i`m 13.
Adults and Parents, take good care of the kids, listen, listen, listen when we have something to say, listen to us.
HUGS TO EVERY BODY, BUT ESPECIALLY THE KIDS.
Lovu all.
Pray for me, please.
robert
Posted by robert