A LONG CHAT.

Something happen today in the shower and i decide to have a deep chat w/`cas. `cas is a very sensitive kid and i want to keep everything clear all the time `cuz there`re no secrets between us.
I decide to take a full shower w/`cas today, i don`t remember when the full last one was, `cas was helping me out as usual and i made an involuntary motion, an unconscious one, i didn` realize i did `till i felt that `cas stop rubbing my back and kinda frost, i turn my head around and saw tears coming down, i just ask him "what`s wrong `cas?, what happened?", he just start to sob and talk at the same time telling me "i`m sorry, i didn`t mean it, i`ll never hurt you, was an accident", i was getting pretty anxious at this point and just shout at him "`cas u r scaring me, what r u talking about?, i have no idea", he notice i was getting pretty anxious and told me " u just jump when u felt my penis touching your butt, but u need to understand that sometimes is going to happen w/out any bad intention coming from me, is almost impossible not to happen `cus u need close contact w/my and this is taken a toll on me, `cus i don`t want u to get any wrong impression or to bring bad memories tour mind......." i just put my hand on his mouth and hug him so tight, was impossible to me not to cry, this kid just hit me so deep inside my heart when he opens his heart to me, i told him "`cas, you the only person in this world beside my parents that is able to hug my heart, i didn`t realize i did that, is an involuntary thing and u know why, but not w/u `cas, no, no w/u, never w/u, beside my dad ur the only male in this world that can touch me in whatever place in my whole body and i`m not afraid of, is a normal thing that we get morning woods, and that at any given moment i`ll feel u got an erection as well as me, but doesn`t meant nothing to me coming from u, ur my life `cas, not with you. Now is when i understand the why you kinda jump back when i want to feel your whole body behind me, u just kind void contact w/my body from your wrist down, and piss me off `cuz i want to feel your whole body kind of covering mine `cuz made me feel so safe, omg, `cas, u just unbelievable, you just where protecting me, i love u so much, but now on don`t doit, please, i need to feel you and if something like this happen again don`t take it like this, just ignored `cuz now you know how i feel `bout this, no, please, don`t move away from me `cuz i never had or will think any thing wrong from u, no, never from u, i swear", i was hugging him while i was explaining him all this, but he was kind of cautious and was just listening w/his arms at his side, and i ask him "r u going to hug me or what now?", my bro just hug my tight and told me "ro, i`m so happy u explain this to me, i was trying to talk `bout it but didn`t find the way how to, i just don`t want to do anything that could hurt u or confuse u, not from me ro, i love u", i told him "i know `cas, believe me, i know" and suddenly i grab his balls and everything w/my both hands and told him, "ok, now u going to kiss me `till i say so or i swear i`m going to take apart from ur body all i`m grabbing rit now and u ever gonna have kids", omg, we start to laugh so loud and he`s smart, he start kissing me `till i say "ok, stop, and know u have to promise me that there will be no retaliation from u and i`ll let u go", we were laughing so bad that was hard to talk, and hi told me "u know that will not happen, i know u won`t go as far as to hurt me, so, u better loose and be ready for the consequences of ur actions", omg, i was in big trouble and don`t want to loose `cuz i know what was coming, i try everything in my book to made him not to retaliate, but he knows me too well, he was just smiling and telling me "ro, stop, u know i know u, all that was a good try i can say, but u better let me go `cuz we can be in this situation the whole day and i`m starving", oooh it was bad, he just grab me and start tickles me `till i pee, he stop `cuz we where in the tube and was kinda dangerous for me, besides, `cas never will hurt me and he knows how painful is for me to cough, to laugh, but hey, for the fun of those few minutes was all worth it.
Love u `cas.
The complicated is getting for me, the more scare i get, how i`m going to cope w/my emotional issues?, is gonna be like this for the rest of my life?, am i gonna be having this horrible flash back for ever?, the nightmares?, am i gonna be able to get naked in front of another person again?, if i don`t get naked, how do i gonna have kids?, do i gonna get married? how in the world i`m going to tell a girl friend `bout this?, does my mind is going to clear up?, omg and so many more.
Lunch time.
Don`t stop praying.
Kids be aware.
Love u all, big hug for every one.
rob